i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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