So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
