GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
