I accidentally had phone sex last night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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