hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
