What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
