Tell her she can't have a vagina
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
