Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
