So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I FOUND THE LEGS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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