How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
