my phone needs a breathalizer
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
