She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
