so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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