Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
