Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
