Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im part way to drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
