I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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