i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
