no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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