So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
