The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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