I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
