Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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