So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
