In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
