Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
