Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
