if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
