He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
