Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
