don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
