I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize