On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
