Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
They have beer where we have blood.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
