Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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