you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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