Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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