I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
