you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
