Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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