Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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