This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
