I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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