Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
