Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
now i know why i became what i already was.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
