Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
