My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
