you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
