Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
