I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
