I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
