I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
