Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
