i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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