Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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