I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
