for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
