I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
