Dual....:-)
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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