You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just gargled with NyQuil
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
