i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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