mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
