I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
