How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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