Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
