is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
