I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
