I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
