You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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