I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
