Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
