its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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