i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
