Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
