And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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