She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
