Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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