So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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