go do what you do best...puke behind churches
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
