it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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