He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
