My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
